Still Here

It has been a long time since I've written. So much has happened that I didn't have the time to write it all down. My Master and I are still together. His life was so hectic and I did not help it by demanding more. I was feeling insecure again. I didn't trust enough to realize He was going through some tough times. Didn't help that He can't seem to say He loves me. I know He does, it's just something He cannot say. We celebrated two years together last month. I asked for more rules, harsher punishments. I want to learn more of this life. I want Him to teach me. I am at the point in my life where I hear His ring tone and I smile, no matter how bad my day is. I get hot just hearing His voice. I melt when He tells me "you're mine."

I am His. My body, my mind all of it. I will happily kneel before Him in a crowded room and do His biding. He has me reading Carrie's Story, about a girls journey through this life. It's amazing, I love reading it. The training she receives is harsh. I am not sure I could handle a lot of it since I don't handle pain well, but I am curious and I want to try it. I get hot thinking about it. Odd, because when I first started this life, the idea of being smacked hard in the ass appalled me. Now...it turns me on.

I remember one time I was talking to my Master about the movie "Coming to America" I had just watched it. I was commenting on the scene with Eddie Murphy's new bride, the one raised to be just for his pleasure. He told her to bark like a dog and she did, without question. I told my Master. Things like "Can you believe she just did it?" "I wonder what it must be like to just be raised for one purpose," so on and so forth without really thinking. Then my Master said "bark" I stopped talking I was so shocked. I hadn't seen that coming. He waited I stumbled wondering what to say and then I barked. He said "louder." So I did. Then He said "good girl". Those words are like a caress on my skin.

What's odd is that I feel stronger. Now that I've learned to kneel, I feel I have more backbone. Isn't that odd. I don't take a lot of crap from people I used to. I stand up for myself when needed. But always will kneel for Him, I will always do all He asks of me. How can I have these separate feelings? It took me a while but I think I figured it out. He gives it to me. He's made me feel beautiful, wanted, cared for, worthy. Those are very powerful feelings. Once you feel them, you do stand taller. That gets noticed too. I walk differently. I walk a little sexier. I smile more. I talk to people more, I'm not as shy.

All this in just two years. I wonder what the next to will bring. So for now, I am still His and all is calm.

At the end of the day, it is always us.

I Miss Him

I can't deal with the idea that he's no longer my Master. Its not what I wanted but it's whats best for him right now. I always want whats best for him. Right now thats not me. At least not as his pet. Im too demanding. I want more from him but he has too much right now. I need him. I crave him.

All good things must come to an end

I dont know what happened earlier today but I believe I am currently without my Master. We had a good day talking but it turned. He couldn't say he loved me. He used to; but he couldnt and hasnt for a long time. For a while he treated me more as a friend and less as his pet. I have to find a way to get through this. I'm okay now but in a few days I'll be an emotional wreck. I'm not looking forward to it. I love Him so much, but I guess that wasn't enough.

Last Night

I went out to a gala event which means I had to dress up. So last week I purchased a little black dress, black nylons and was ready for last night. Two years ago I wouldn't have even bothered to accept the invitation. I felt ugly and undesirable. But since I met my Master things have changed in that respect. I started working out, a lot. I weigh the same but my body is changing. I have a waist again! He had me kneel before my mirror one day, stripped naked and repeat "I am kajira, I am beautiful." I had a hard time with that, but He made me say it several times until He could hear I actually believed the words I was saying. I had made promises before to lose weight and exercise but I always stopped for some reason or another. It's been a year since I started exercising. I take spin classes, weight lifting and now zumba. I actually feel sexier and enjoy going out instead of hiding in my house. So last night I wore my nylons, my tiny black dress, straightened my hair yet curling the ends and did my make up. I put on the jewelry I normally keep hidden in the bank. I walked out feeling wonderful and I have my Master to thank for that. It was a beautiful night, only thing to top it would be if He were at my side. But in a way, He was, I thought of Him often.

At the end of the day, it's always us.

My week

I was pretty ill this week. I couldn't even talk to my Master for one day. I never miss His calls but the idea of talking made me ill. I texted Him and He understood. I called Him the next day and His voice as usual brought a smile to my face. Every time my phone rings and its Him I just smile. He's out tonight at a Masters gathering with their pets. I'm so jealous. I wish I lived closer so that I could join them. He tells me about the meetings and I just get so excited. One day I'll get to join them. I have lots of things I want to try there with not just Him but others. I tell Him every so often that I love Him, He doesn't say it back though, instead He says "I own you." It took me a while to realize, that's His way of saying I love you. Nothing sounds better to me than the words "You're Mine." Good night my Master I hope tonight went very well for you.

At the end of the day it's always us.

Still His

Well almost two years since I met Him and we are still together. I'm so happy we have come this far. He has taught me so much and I'm very thankful to Him. I wait for the day that we meet and He collars me as His. He already has a girl, she's his wife.I love their story. He came home one day and found her in their room, with magazines regarding the life all over the floor. She was kneeling and with tears in her eyes she begged Him for the life she craved. Floored by this, not even knowing how to begin, He said yes. He loves His wife so much that He learned to become what she craved. In turn He became what was always buried deep inside Him, a Master. Sometimes the road to discovery is not just in the sub, but also in the Master. At the end of the day, it is always us.

How I started this Life

I entered this life January 20, 2008. I discovered it online on Second Life. I've had dramas on there before, always regarding men, well one in particular. I decided that a boyfriend type relationship just wasn't working. I had heard of Gor before but was always afraid to enter. I heard they'd kill those they didn't like and enslaves the girls they did. Well, that day in January, I was with some old friends in sl; ones I trusted with my secrets; I told them everything. Apparently they didnt do the same. They told me of a secret they had kept from me for about 2 years. I was still raw from my break up so I felt betrayed. I ran to a friend and told him to take me somewhere; anywhere; so I could leave all the liers behind me. He smiled and said, I'm taking you to Gor. I was scared but excited. I got some light blue silks with a butterfly clasp in the front. I went with him and we went from city to city. My fear was giving way to boredom because nobody was on. He had to log and I told him I'd stay a bit. He didn't like that. He made me promise I'd stay on the hillside we were at. I promised. He logged and I did stay, for a bit. I couldn't help it, I wanted to find someone to interact with. I wanted to role play to see what it was like. I wasn't being honest with myself, I wanted to be collared but I didn't know it; or even the term. I wandered around and ended up in Port Kar.

It is there that my life changed, for the better. I saw him, standing there talking to another slave. I got so nervous, I just walked by them. I did that a few times and then sat down in one of the buildings looking around; thinking what else I should do; or where I should go. How could I be a slave girl if I was too nervous to talk to people in Gor? I then noticed He was there. We started talking (or typing as the case may be) but I wasn't sure I was doing it right. I called him Sir. He said I was dressed as a kajira, yet I didn't know what that word meant. He could tell by my demenor, by my questions what I wanted. Then He asked me "you know what you want, even if you won't admit it." I said "I know what I want, I never denied it." He liked that. So, for the first time in my life I became brave and asked "Can I be your slave girl." He really liked that. I must clarify that before I met him; I had gone wandering alone and found other men in Gor but they scared me. They seemed brutal. This one, was intelligent, He spoke very well, He was a warrior and I feared Him but I still wanted Him. I wanted to kneel for Him. I never got that feeling before, never. I just had this overwhelming feeling to please Him. He collared me that night and it was the most erotic experience of my life. I felt every part of me was alive. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking. I was nervous, excited and so very turned on. He had me kneel and I did and it's been the happiest place for me.

I have been with him since that date. We have had issues, mainly from me. He is a Master in rl and has been for many years. His rl wife is also His kajira. We have not met yet, but we do speak everyday and I am His now in rl as well. Our connection went beyond role play. I do His bidding in this life. If my rl were less an issue; I'd hve flown there by now and knelt for Him. I am His and ready to one day take my place at His boot.

At the end of the day, it is always us